Wednesday, October 12, 2005
To my dearest jialing:
today has been a really bad day for me. my mood dint change from the night before, where u left me with an abrupt message. i was just trying to be more concerned that's all. so today was the supposedly class outing to sentosa. i was stunned by the msg u sent me in the morning. many a time, u may joke with ur messages, but this time i dun think u were joking. u meant what u said: im worse than a freaking girl, and to add oil to the fire, u said sth which i really dun want to say here. but, i wont mind. i know u were pissed, and still pissed. i was really just trying to show a little bit of concerned by waiting for you at the interchange. i have no intentions at all to irritate or disturb you. all i want to do was to accompany you by your side, and cheer u up if i can. sighh. it's not that i do not want to give u times where u can be alone to think about other stuffs, but as your boyfriend, i think i have a little bit of a right to try to cheer you up right?
i left u alone at sentosa today. i really have no idea wat's going through your mind. but i felt very depressed. im not gd at concealing my feelings, so i do show it out, i show it out by keeping very quiet. i do that because i want ppl to show a little bit of concern. apparently, i received none. it's really really saddening that at this stage of my life, i still do not have friends that show true concerns. im just an utterly pathetic person, antisocial and with a fucking attitude problem. i've lost many many friends as a result of spending time with you. but i really do not care abt it.
i find it worthwhile that u appeared in my life, i find you the one person in my life that gives me the motivation i desperately need now. morever, u are always there for me when i need your moral support. however, there are the sad times too, where both of us simply ignored each other, starting cold wars, etc etc. i do not care abt those stuffs though, as long as we are fine again after a while. i treasure every moment when im with you, your smile, your voice, your concerns, brightens up my day. i dun think i can continue life without you. that explains my sadness when u told me it's impossible to continue on if im retained. i was heartbroken as a matter of fact. nth means more than you, ,besides my results. i can sacrifice my everything for you, i can do watever i can to make you happy, and i'll try everything i can to make this relationship last. but if you do not, tell me. the sooner the better.
i just hope you can tell me how u really feel. i wanted to break down in the train just now, but i dint want to. i was really really depressed.
i love you darling. even if you hate me, or u find me a nuisance, i'll continue to love you. the day where i'll stop loving you is the day where u decide tt the relationship shd end. but for now, you are still the most important person in my life.
msg me or call me k? i miss you..
Backstreet Boys - Shape of My Heart
Hmm, yeah, yeah
Baby, please try to forgive me
Stay here, don't put out the glow
Hole me now, don't bother if every minute it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man that I've become
:Chorus:
Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
Send in this beautiful loneliness that's tragical
So help me I can't win this war, oh no
Touch me now don't bother if every second it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man I've become
:Chorus:
I'm here with my confession
Got nothing to hide no more
I don't know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart...
I'm lookin' back on the things I've done
I never wanna play the same old part
I'll keep you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
{/6:10 PM}
Signed by Yours Truly.
