Thursday, October 06, 2005
the past few days have been hell. i've stayed up late, i've woke up early before the crack of dawn to study. i've put in effort, i've put in my heart and soul (okay, tt was crap). but yea, tt's just to emphasize the fact that i studied and worked hard for the promos. i expected promos to be better than my cts, sighh.. maybe i was wrong. these have been one of my lowest points of my life, i dread the promos, i dread the papers staring at me, and me staring back at them. i dread the fact that i panic at the most crucial moments. i dread the skipping of questions. i dread the blank papers tt i submit. damn. im so utterly fucking screwed.
im just hoping for a miracle. i've nv felt so hopeless. i dunno wat am i to do if i am retained. perhaps i had similar feelings when i had to take re-exams at the end of sec 3, but this was much much worse. i DO NOT want to be retained. nobody knows how i am feeling now. the feeling is so real, almost tangible. the only thing holding me back from touching the tangible is my hope. my hope for the unseemingly possibles. yet, a part of me says tt i still have a chance. i dunno. my life is just so messed up.
if only i could turn back time. if only i had worked harder for my prelims in sec 4, i would have ended up in a better jc in 1st 3 mths. i would not have slacked that much. i wouldn't be suffering now.
sighh.. i hope my days ahead would be better.
{/11:38 PM}
Signed by Yours Truly.